Marriage, a History

Introduction: The True History of Marriage

For thousands of years, people have claimed that marriage is in a state of crisis, often looking back to a supposed golden age of family stability. While researching family history, Stephanie Coontz discovered that the ancient Greeks complained about the behavior of wives, the Romans worried about rising divorce rates, and early American settlers lamented the disobedience of children. Even in societies where divorce has always been common, older generations often remember the past as a time of better marriages.

The true history of marriage reveals that for most of human existence, the institution was not based on love or personal choice. Instead, marriage served as a vital economic and political tool. It was a way for families to gain in-laws, acquire extra labor, and forge alliances between groups. For the upper classes, it was a method of consolidating wealth and territory, while for commoners, a spouse was a business partner whose skills and family connections were more important than their personality.

In fact, the idea of marrying for love was once considered a serious threat to the stability of society. While people have always fallen in love, intense passion was viewed as a temporary form of insanity that was too fragile to support the heavy responsibilities of a household. If a couple happened to love each other, it was considered a pleasant bonus, but never a necessity. In various societies, putting a spouse's needs above those of the wider family was seen as antisocial or even sinful.

A major shift began during the late eighteenth century when the radical idea emerged that people should choose their partners based on affection. As this new ideal took hold, it made marriage more personally fulfilling but also inherently more fragile. If love and companionship were the primary reasons to marry, then the absence of those feelings became a logical reason to end a union. Today, marriage has been transformed from a social necessity into an optional personal relationship, allowing for a level of intimacy and equality that was rarely possible in the past.